Valerie Bertinelli gained back some of the weight she lost.
Kristie Alley gained back some of the weight she lost.
Some weight-loss bloggers (Jennette Fulda aka PastaQueen and Lynn at Escape from Obesity) have regained weight. Even Charlotte at the Great Fitness Experiment has admitted to gaining 18 pounds after following an "Intuitive Eating Experiment." (She is among my favorite bloggers, hilarious and truthful and insightful.)
So why do I feel sympathy and understanding toward other women who have regained weight they've lost (or just plain-old gained weight) but toward myself I extend only loathing and judgment?
Here's the thing about living in the murk of self-hatred. If you hate yourself, you tend not to take good care of yourself. You do what you can to tamp down the disgust and dress the body that you despise in black and shapless clothes so you can go out into the world when necessary, but the sad truth is that you peer into the mirror and realize how pointless it is to make up your face because you will just look like a baked potato wearing lipstick when it's all said and done.
At least that's what you tell yourself because you are mean to yourself. You say the very worst things imaginable to your reflection. And you believe those things.
You understand and extend grace to Valerie and Kirstie and Jennette and Lyn and Charlotte, but you snatch back that understanding and grace when it comes to your own failings and imperfections. (You think you are just being honest and realistic.)
If I knew how to stop, I would.