1) When I was fatter, I snored. My poor husband.
2) When I was fatter, I was hot (but not in a Paris Hilton sort of way). I did not glow, either. I'd just die from heat stroke, every day. The skinny people would be clutching sweaters around their bony rib cages and I'd be mopping my brow.
3) When I was fatter, my self-confidence shrank. When you are busy scoping out the room to see if you are the fattest person in it, how confident can you be?
4) When I was fatter, people couldn't see me. Have you noticed that fat people are ignored in public, even though they take up more space? Maybe it's because we're trying to make ourselves as small as possible, folding into ourselves like an origami creation.
5) When I was fatter, flying on an airplane was a tight squeeze. (Or did they really start making seats smaller when I wasn't looking?)
6) Being fat kept me from running, swimming and swinging with the kids at the park. (I'd wonder, why isn't there any place to sit around here?)
7) When I was fatter, overeating often left me feeling sluggish, battling heartburn and an upset stomach. (Yes, it's real fun to bend over and belch a little because your pants are so tight.)
8) When I was fatter, I didn't want to see old friends. (I'm sure they started to wonder why only the kids were in the Christmas card photographs. Next year, I'd think, I'll lose some weight and we'll take a family picture.) Which leads me to . . .
9) When I was fatter, I avoided the camera. I couldn't bear to see the proof of what I had become. (Oh, wait. I still avoid it . . . I wonder if that will change at some point?)
10) When I was fatter, I obsessed over food, constantly thinking what I could eat next. I'd link every meal together through a never-ending trail of snacks, salty, then sweet, then salty, then sweet. Then eat dinner, even though I was stuffed.
* * *
Tomorrow: Official Weigh-In Thursday.
Friday: Ten Lies Fat People Tell Themselves.
Your insights and posts are really wonderful. Just thought I'd add that today.
Posted by: Kvetch | July 13, 2006 at 05:33 AM
This whole list is spot on. I feel more visible already and I can't wait (and I say this almost tearfully) to have a professional portrait done of me with my husband and my son. That's so important to me and only my fat has been stopping me.
Posted by: sallyrogers | July 13, 2006 at 06:01 AM
I recognize A LOT of that list.....
Posted by: Carmen | July 13, 2006 at 07:39 AM
The one about not taking a family portrait hit me right on the head. My children are 21, 19 and 17. We don't have one family picture. I have lost 33 pounds in 6 months. I am feeling great about myself. I feel better and I am looking forward to clothes shopping, go to the beach and wearing shirts with short sleeves. I don't know many overweight people who are REALLY happy. Who's kidding who????
Posted by: cheryl | July 13, 2006 at 09:16 AM
I am new to your blog and everything I have read so far really hits home! I feel the same way. I just had a baby girl two months ago and I have an almost 3 year old. I have been busy and found that my weight has been dropping. So now, I am watching what I stuff in my mouth and just trying to move more! It has been working. I hit my peak while I was pregnant, weighing in at 240 pounds! I couldn't believe it! Now, I am at 204 and can't wait to get back under 200 again. I haven't been that since I was pregnant with my first child!!! I will be checking this blog as often as I can for motivation. Thanks so much!
Posted by: LeeAnn C. | July 13, 2006 at 09:35 AM
Melodee, I think you're doing an awesome thing here - the naked blogging, raw honesty. Keep up the good work!
Posted by: Mom Nancy | July 13, 2006 at 09:40 AM