Self-Sabotage

Why is it that some of us sabotage ourselves?  I saw 167.6 pounds on the scale on Sunday (I checked because I'd been out of town for a couple of days) and I rejoiced . . . and then ate like a crazy woman.  Last night, in fact, at nearly midnight, I was at my computer with my hand plunged into a box of Captain Crunch (with Crunch Berries). 

Now, I could explain this as a hormone-related event, but I think the truth is that I'm sabotaging myself and I'm not exactly sure why.  Instead of cheering my accomplishments, I undermine them.

I'll be thinking on these things over the next few days. 

Comments

[three day blog]

I will be very interested to hear what you come up with, as self sabotage is all that I can manage these days and I would very much like to understand why!

[Barbara]

I know when I lose a few pounds I feel warply justified to reward myself -- with food. Yeah, I know warped!

[Sarah S.]

Sounds like it's very common -- not that THAT makes us feel any better! I've thought and pondered and wondered on it for YEARS, myself. I have no answers. I don't consciously think that I'm 'rewarding' myself -- is that what you were thinking w/ those Captain Crunch -- I LOVE THE BERRIES! :-)

I've wondered if it's "celebration eating", I've wondered (in my psychology-undergraduate days) if somewhere deep down I don't think I deserve to be thin, or maybe I am scared to be thin (I've heard this from victims of rape or other abuses -- and that actually makes sense). I think of me when I'm thin -- and I think I look pretty good, but at the same time, I didn't think that THEN. I just wonder... I think when you find the answer you'll have the 'holy grail of dieting'!!

BTW -- I'm kind of glad you broke your exercise streak. Not b/c I want to sabotage you, but b/c I'm still on the quest to find the balance between discipline and obsession. Over a year solid is flirting with obsession (for ME - - not trying to foist my whackiness off on you). Anyway -- I think you'll be an awesome model of discipline for us now!

[Missie]

Shout out to ya from the Self-Sabotage Queen of Idaho.

Since reaching 168.8 and getting my WW 10% keychain? I've eaten like I was afraid there would be a famine and better build up my store of fat before it hits. And I have no idea why. So now I am back up to 173.1, and get to RE-LOSE about five pounds.

Oh, joy.

[Kimberly]

I think it's a pretty common phenomenon. I saw 183.4 on the scale this morning. And so I ate a dozen simple pleasures ginger snaps. I think I did it because I feel like a finally earned some latitude, some freedom. It doesn't work that way though, and it doesn't even make sense. Freedom is not feeling that eating = happiness. That's the kind of freedom I really want. I just forget every now and again is all.

[Desia]

I just laughed right out loud when I read you post! Sounds too familiar.

[Patti Justice]

Must have been a bad week for all of us. I ate most of a 1/2 gallon of Breyers A&W RootBeer Float in one sitting and didn't even realize I had done it until I looked at the amount of ice cream maybe two bowls left in the bottom. I was doing so good, why would I do that? I'm afraid to weigh myself. Well it's time to stop buying treats, I can't stop myself from eating them all at once.

[JanB]

Your post today is very scary because it just shows how easy it is to launch back into the bad habits. My husband called me on it at one point - get a bowl and put down the bag, he said. I nearly took his head off. But he was right. I should never eat out of the bag.

But you see it, right? That's a good thing. The person who wrote about going binging after getting the ww reward for 10%? That would be me. That's like me quitting my job after getting business cards printed. It's so hard to live up to that pressure.

Maybe that's why I am so afraid of milestones. When I hit four months into this, I nearly lost it. Because that is the time frame that people usually quit. Now I am coming up on six months, the point where people REALLY lose it. It's scary. I try to put that out of my mind.

Take care, you are doing really well and one lapse doesn't undermine the whole thing, learning from it is what is important.

[Jill]

I'm not surprised you are eating, what with working that late at night. But as someone who toasted marshmallows over the stove last night, I'm afraid I'm not much help on this one.

[Sandy McCann]

yea, what's up with all this? I am having the same thing here. I think I am just relaxed...I am honestly pretty happy weighing what I weighed in my early 20's.

I tend to mindlessly grab stuff. How come I had that habit under control for the early months of this eating right/diet change thing...but not now? Last year when I was new at this I could resist about anything. I never so much as swiped the knife after making one of my kids a PB&J.

For me there's none of the "I don't deserve to be thin" stuff in my head...not even deep down (yes I am sure.) What's important for me to feel real good about my body is to be muscular and strong. I have recommitted to working on that and even though the scale goes the wrong way as I build muscles, I can feel the improvement in my body and how my clothes fit. I think I am going to keep on that focus and continue to say no to OVERDOING junk/snacks as often as I can. For me that means no eating out of the bag either;)

[Angela]

I've done this many times--not necessarily related to weight, but just when I've been eating mindfully and healthy for a while, I'll start to think: I've beat the eating demons! I will never binge again! And then it happens again and I think: I'll never have this under control. THIS is me; that healthy eater was an anomaly. Might as well chow down. TOTALLY know what you mean with this post.

[Alisa]

Your switch has been flipped back off. Switch it back on! This is where I have to stop 'thinking' and make the right choice. You flipped the switch in the beginning and you know what I'm talking about...you just DO it. Nothing's a temptation...you're focused.

You can do it.

[breckgirl]

Hi Mel - I've been gone for several days and am reading backwards to see what I've missed. I saw one of your emails in my inbox, too, and thought - Oh, I haven't connected with Mel lately. Are we becoming friends? Watch out, man, because I am a self-sabotager, too. We could eat a lot of CRAP food together!! So here's the thing - I have GOT to lose 20 pounds. I desperately want to get pregnant and my husband is like, "NO - lose more weight first." And believe me, that is a GOOD thing. He is not picking on me. I had a lot of health problems during my last pregnancy and so I need to start this pregnancy at a healthy weight. I really only need to lose 20 more so that I can start around 140. So I've got to do this - no more screwing around. I'm 38 - those eggs aren't getting any younger. I am going to do the Fit Day thing because that seems to be a good system for monitoring. Anyway - just making my intentions known to someone other than my husband. At least I know you totally understand! Hope you have a good week - don't beat yourself up too much. Stay away from all SATAN foods - animal cookies, goldfish crackers, fruit leathers, etc. I will, too.

[Lena]

Hmmm. I don't remember ANY mention of Crunch Berries last night. ;)