Official Thursday Weigh-In

Oh no! 

Oh yes!  This morning, when I stepped on the scale, very bad news appeared.  Very.  Bad.  As in 175 pounds . . . uh, no thank you.  I refuse to weigh 175 pounds again.

I really, really, really did not want to confess that weight here and thought of some handy excuses: 

1)  I was fully clothed.
2)  My rings are tight, proof of water retention.
3)  This was my birthday week.  (Pizza, cookies, ice cream cake, garlic mashed potatoes . . .)

But you know what?  Excuses won't make me weigh less.  The only thing that will change this awful fact is action.

(Have you figured out that I am the world's worst Weight Watcher?  I signed up and yet I have discovered if you do not actually count points, you will gain weight.)

Inside my head, an alarm goes off when I decide to count points or calories.  The very idea of being constrained, of being required to record what I am about to eat triggers this self-destructive, crazy impulse to cheat.  And one cheat leads to another cheat and pretty soon I weigh 175 pounds.

Furthermore when I try to "diet" following a conventional diet and allow myself to eat portion-controlled amounts of anything, I spiral out of control.  When I eat anything refined or containing sugar and white flour I only want to eat more and more and more.  This is just a fact of my life. 

And so . . . I must go back to what worked for me.  (I may check out to how Weight Watchers handles its "Core" program . . . perhaps I will be able to do that without messing with my delicate psyche.  I don't know.) 

I am going to eat a low-glycemic index diet.  I am going to eat every two or three hours.  I am going to stop eating in response to that "what can I eat, what can I eat, what can I eat" chant in my head.

Because next week, I absolutely cannot, will not, refuse to be 175 still.

Comments

[Sarah]

1. Late happy birthday!!

2. Yes! Today I had a piece of bread on the trusty old electronic food scale. I wanted to squirt on one point of mayo (5 grams). I squirted and squirted and squirted...no movement on the scale. Obviously the scale wasn't working. Finally 5 grams registered. At this point it was like a mayo sandwich...89,000 points worth of mayo at least. Yet, what did I record? 1 point of mayo.

Who am I fooling?

[Sarah]

Oooh, and as a follow up, have you checked out the WW messageboards? My God, they are the snarkiest, insider group of people I've ever "met"...I am terrified to leave a question or even say hello.

[SaraB]

OH Mel, I feel for you! I realized that it has taken me 1 year to lose 30 pounds. ONE WHOLE YEAR. I have yo-yo'd up and down and I decided that I wanted to see more action, so I decided that from January - March, I would limit myself to 1600 calories a day, and do a food journal on FitDay. Immediately, I found myself "sneaking" food. I am 33 years old and I was hiding food, simply because I told myself I couldn't have it. But now, 4th week in, and I'm doing okay, as the scale continues to move down. I am not trying to sound braggy - I'm just saying that if you stick with it, it will work. And I recently realized/decided that I will no longer waste my time feeling guilty about what I eat. It has been 1 and half years since I joined your team - and I was still feeling guilty if I ate a burger. Ridiculous. I will be pulling for you this week. Good girl for coming here to report it - that is so hard to do. We're here for you and we admire you for your honesty, and no one is ever disappointed that you gained. And by the way, I do think a birthday week will make you gain some. You could also be retaining water, because you most likely did not eat 15,000 extra calories this week, birthday or no. I hope low-glycemic way gets you where you want to be! I'm at 228.8 today - 61 gone.

[Loth]

Blech, I am so with you! I even posted about this problem a couple of days ago: http://gymisntworking.blogspot.com/2008/01/oh-no-shes-off-again.html

I got down to a creditable 165 pounds last year and due to getting lax and lazy, got back up to (gulp) 183 pounds by January. I had been using Weight Loss Resources and convinced myself I knew what I was doing and didn't need to be told anymore. Wrong! So back on the wagon I go, back to WLR doing what I know works for me and today I weighed in at 179. Back on track. Hopefully.

[Val]

After 1.5 years of journaling, etc. Losing 35 lbs, and the weight is creeping up over the past two or three weeks. How do I get through the holidays without gaining and NOW gain?

It's definitely scary. I like all of my smaller jeans and do not want to go backwards. I do not like it - but it's likely a result of getting quite casual about the samples of sweets I'm eating.

And not walking.

Am I lying to my Fitday log too? I've never kept a journal this long - so I'm not sure what the issue is.

[JanB]

I am at about 158-160, depends. But I have realized that I like this weight and I am not fighting it. I am trying to eat right and I am still exercising, but not going nuts like before, more into maintenance than anything else.

Now, about weight watchers. For me, it started with good intentions, but the weigh ins were terrible. Out group had very little support and the staff was not very communicative to the individual. I found that the points range was arbitrary and you could cheat a lot and still stay in the range. Plus, the points are designed so that you don't have to know a lot about the breakdown of the fats, calories, carbs, etc. So I never learned anything about staying in a real caloric range, learning which foods are more "costly" to stay within my range, and which foods to eat a lot of.

I basically had the same result with WW as I did with Richard Simmons, which, really is the same type of plan, with the food mover, lots of reference books, lots of gadgets, lots of "friends" who are doing it on message boards.

I just have some core foods that I try to stick with, although right now I am heavily into peanutbutter... but basically it's oatmeal with cinnamon, stevia and raisins for breakfast, two cans of mixed veggies and some chinese sauce for lunch, a bag of steamed veggies, with some shrimp and a little chinese sauce on it for dinner and a protein bar for a snack with lots of celery with peanut butter thrown in throughout the day.

I guess it's very individual, I have found that this combination works for me, I hope you find what works for you. You have tried a lot of things lately and it seems like as you find that each thing doesn't really click you are getting panicky. Look at this as a weeding out time.

And maybe read Make the Connection by Bob Greene, it's a fast read and you can probably find it in the library, but it has lots of common sense nutritional information and exercise stuff that really helped me. I do NOT go for all the crap Bob Green has started doing since he got in with Oprah big time, but when he first started out, he had a simple approach that worked well for me.

Sorry to be so long here.

[Melissa]

Core may very well work for you. If I were home more and able to cook my own food more, I'd try it. Especially since I haven't budged the scale in three weeks! Still at 159.

On a side note, my mother should be happy. She told me Monday that I didn't need to lose any more weight, to which I replied that she had nothing to worry about - I hadn't lost anything in quite some time.

[Karen]

Mel, I'm sorry. And thank you for sharing. I know how difficult it can be admitting the gains.
I keep asking myself where did my resolve go. It hides on me. It comes back out for 3/4 day or two days and then hides again. I hate playing hide and seek with my resolve. I don't want to play anymore -GAME OVER! I just want the focus back that I had last year.
I haven't weighed-in for some time, because I am ashamed to admit that I have let 25 lbs of my 50 lb loss sneak back on a little at a time since last March. GASP!

But, alas, this is life and life happens. And while it may seem like I am just like all the statistics who lose a good amount of weight and then gain it back, I AM NOT. And I will not gain it ALL back!

The difference for both of us is that we are not giving up. I admire your determination and it fuels my own. I will successfully lose more weight! And so will you! We just need to find the path that will get us back on track.

Your exercise challenge this month inspired me to pick something and stick with it. Even on days I couldn't bear the thought of exercise, I did it. And I did it for the whole month of January! So as I hold on to that nonscale victory, I charge ahead to finding my focus again!

Setbacks and all, this time is different because we don't give up Mel!

[cindi Mansell]

187.5. I haven't checked in for quite some time. Been struggling with food. maybe on the right track again.

[She-Ra]

Checking in. Up a pound from what I reported last week to 163. Ash Wednesday is next week so hopefully going sugar-free will get me going back in the down direction. I don't feel too bad about where I am since I'm generally holding steady but I am ready to start heading back down again. The more I lose now the less it will hurt when I gain 10 lbs on vacation like I do every summer!

And I think that going back to low-GI and what worked before will be good for you. What I am learning on this journey is that different strokes for different folks is true. Find what works best for your body and your life and go with it.

Go Mel!

[Marcia]

Programs and diet plans never work for me. I just have to eat less and move more. I'm at 161 today, so thats about a pound down from last week. Slow but sure.

[Christine]

Yay! You know what works for you, and counting points is NOT how we were supposed to view food. You already know that sugars and high glycemic foods don't work for you, not even when they're in a WW package and are "allowed" within a certain number of points. I'm really really glad for you.

[Roxie]

Inside my head, an alarm goes off when I decide to count points or calories. The very idea of being constrained, of being required to record what I am about to eat triggers this self-destructive, crazy impulse to cheat

I wish I could cure this. It has bitten me on the big ol' butt more times than I can count. I'm trying to reframe what I'm doing, but it's still hard. I certainly enjoy your blog. Keep up the good work.

[Brianne]

I'm with you on the "I cheat more when I'm told I CAN'T"
I also have been backsliding more in the past few months, afraid to check in Naked. So, here I start again, 241. Worked out a system to go swimming again, hooray! The bad news is that it'll have to be early in the morning so I can be back in the house before my husband goes to work, and I'm SO not a morning person. But, I never will be if I keep telling myself that, ya know?
Good luck Mel!

[Cairogal]

I liked WW because it does allow for people to eat 'normally'...nothing forbidden, just modified amounts. I first did it on my own with now meetings a few years ago. A friend had lent me all her information, and I started recording what I ate in a notebook while hitting the cardio 5-6 times/week (60 minutes each time). It worked! When I attended my first meeting many years later, I found the accountability I had hoped for was not helping. Instead, I felt even more guilty when I didn't lose. I stopped attending the meetings when I went to weigh-in one evening. Before getting on the scale I explained to the staff member that I had just gotten over a serious case of the stomach flu. Shock surprise..a five pound weight loss. She congratulated me, yet I reminded her that it was from not eating and vomitting. She told me it was a gift from God. That was the last time. Something about mixing diet and religion just doesn't work for me.

Sarah said:
"Oooh, and as a follow up, have you checked out the WW messageboards? My God, they are the snarkiest, insider group of people I've ever "met"...I am terrified to leave a question or even say hello."

Absolutely...if you really want to rile them up, ask if anyone has ever tried the weight loss drop ALLI. A virtual mob will form, and you'll be asked to told to go read some other forum not associated w/ WW.

[Cairogal]

One more thing...WW is great if you don't have anything psysiological standing in the way of weight loss. I really beat myself up when it didn't work, until I realised that WW allows for more simple carbs-something that just doesn't jive w/ my chemistry.

[Cindy (aka kini)]

Wow, this certainly brought out a lot of discussion! Which is a good thing, right?

I am at 215. I don't remember what I checked in last with. I have been working out and building muscle, but oh my I have been cheating with the junk. Someone brought over some oreo-like cookies by Newman's Own. Not quite just like Oreos, but without the corn syrups and hydrogenated oils, but still... I don't need it. I can't have it. But, why do I want it so?

I had success with the low-gi diet for the three months that I did it. Now, I've been struggling lately to not gain. Clearly, I need to return to that low-gi style. And that's what I will be doing tomorrow morning. I'm using Sparkpeople a bit and now with my slightly faster internet connect, I may give fitday another try.

Keep checking in. Keep dieting naked. We're here for you. :)

[Michelle in Mx]

I feel so fustrated! I'm watching what I eat and exsersizing more but I'm UP to 236.4!
I want a wall to beat my head against!
UGH!