Dear Self

Dear Mel,

Okay, so you've gained some weight.  It happens.  Even Oprah with her personal trainers and millions of dollars and absence of children can't keep her weight steady.  Stop making yourself crazy with the recriminations and hateful looks in the mirror. 

Even with a thicker waist, you're still the same person.  You get that, right?  You haven't turned into some hairy troll that lurks under bridges, waiting to eat billy-goats who clip-clop close enough.  Your brain is the same, you can still spell hard words like Constantinople and your friends still think your jokes are funny.  Your husband adores you.

So, get a grip.  Knock it off with the self-loathing.

What would happen if you stayed this weight until you die?  Would that be the worst thing in the world?  Would you turn into a hermit, abandon your friends, ignore your children and crawl under the bed?  Of course not!  (You can't fit under the bed, for one thing.) 

So, you'll never be a fashion model.  (Newsflash:  No matter what you weigh, that's not going to happen.)

You'll never wear a size zero.  (If you did, it would be as you passed size zero on the way to size dead.  Perhaps you didn't notice this, but your bones are bigger than a size zero.)

You'll never be crowned Miss America.   (Admit it--you wouldn't want to enter a pageant even if you were skinny.)

So what?  Was that your intent in the first place?  Your goal? 

No.  It wasn't.  You just wanted to shop in the "regular" section of stores.  You wanted to accept an invitation to see an old friend without being mortified by your weight.  You wanted to improve your health. 

Now, if you don't get it together and SOON, you're going to gain back weight a pound at a time.  And one day you'll be too afraid to step on the scale at all.  And then, before you know it, you'll be over 200 pounds again . . . and who knows what will happen after that?

I only say this because I want what is best for you.  Okay, sure, maybe life is crazy right now, but try to make good choices most of the time.  Exercise--I love those X's on the calendar--you're exercising more days than not.  Focus on the positive and shun the donuts.  When you feel crazy and  hear that "what can I eat" voice screaming in your head . . . just stop.  Take a breath.  Be in control.

No matter what, remember that you are more than your body.  You are a soul, just living inside a temporary body for now.  You are not your body . . . but still, you should take better care of it, just so you can make the most of every day and every situation.  Remember, you want to be able to run around with your grandkids in twenty years, not hobble around clutching a cane.

Life is short.  Do your best.  Be nice to yourself.

And stop eating french fries.  They are making you fat.

Love,
Mel

Comments

[Becca]

What a great reminder for all of us!
Way to focus on the positive. Keep it up!

[Melanie]

Hi Mel, I've been reading your blog for a little while now and I've found a lot of inspiration here. Today though I read your letter to yourself and felt both awakened by your honesty and sincerety and comforted by your gentle nudge. Thank you for sharing this letter on your blog. I felt like you could have written it directly to me. Happy Mother's Day from a fellow Mom!

[MissKris]

Happy Mother's Day! I wrote a letter to myself a few months ago on my blog as well. Not about my weight...just about who I am now compared to who I was a long time ago. About acceptance, mostly, I believe. I think anyone who's ever struggled with weight can see themselves here in your letter. I'm built a lot like you...I'll be size Dead before I ever hit size 0. It just ain't gonna happen! At 5'7" of Swede ancestry and shrinking as I get older, those Twiggy days are part of my distant past, ha! To think I used to wear just-there bikinis and micro-mini skirts! I think I'm truly much more content in my Grandma jeans and old t-shirts, to tell you the honest truth. I yam what I yam.

[Steph.]

Ha! I love the ending. I have the same problem with the fries. And, i'm about to head to Disney for a week with the family and even my trainer said to not worry about the food thing. This could get VERY ugly. I need to stay somewhat in control.

You forgot one thing too, your honesty and your success, even with gaining a little back, is still an inspiration to those of us who haven't quite figured our way with this weight stuff. So, don't give up and don't beat yourself up! You'll get back on track!

[liz]

Mel ~ Great letter to yourself. Honest and inspriational!!!

I hear that 'what can I eat' voice in my head, too...and struggle to fight it off. And yet you say it so simply and perfectly: stop, take a breath, be in control.

Thank you for sharing your ups and downs with all of us. You are an inspriation!

[b]

What a great letter. I've given myself a break.
I might gain more than 25-30 lbs with this pregnancy, but I'm going to give birth to a person. I CAN and WILL get back in shape when the baby is born. And I will not be a slave to the numbers.

Who am I kidding? Okay, I'll totally be a slave to the numbers, but I will NOT be a slave to french fries!

[Marianne]

Hey Mel,
You can do it. You are still trying to find a new pace while working. It will happen. New schedules are always so darn hard.
And any kind of potatos are my downfall. I LOVE POTATOS!

[Debbie]

Wow, Mel, that letter is perfect. Sorry I haven't been around for a while, but we've had so many medical issues in the family, it just hasn't been possible.

I hope you don't beat yourself up. You've accomplished so much that you almost have to expect a setback here and there.

It's not the setback that's important; it's where you go from here.

Do you give up? Not you, Mel.

Or do you pick yourself up and get back on track? I believe in you and I believe that's what you'll do.

You will succeed, Mel, even though it may not feel that way right now.

Wishing you the best always,

Debbie

[janet]

thanks for the note. i'm sure you don't mind I read "Janet" everywhere there was a "Mel".
this morning, after oatmeal (thank goodness) my mom had me step on her scale. Good thing. it's my highest ever so today was the first day of healthful eating only. I had your triskets with cheese and I added apple slices. Delicious. and my 4 year old loved it too.

[janet]

thanks for the note. i'm sure you don't mind I read "Janet" everywhere there was a "Mel".
this morning, after oatmeal (thank goodness) my mom had me step on her scale. Good thing. it's my highest ever so today was the first day of healthful eating only. I had your triskets with cheese and I added apple slices. Delicious. and my 4 year old loved it too.

[Dreamer]

Look at it this way: You're still 40 pounds lighter than your starting weight. That's something to celebrate!

Whatever you do, don't panic.

You might enjoy a book by Geneen Roth called "If You Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull Up A Chair." It provides, among other things, advice on how to deal with "fat and ugly attacks" and how to "act on your own behalf." I always get this little gem of a book out when I need to remind myself to eat what I'm hungry for when I'm hungry for it, and to stop when I've had enough. When I can master that, I know I can always get back to a healthy weight without too much grief. I just need to remind myself to do it.

Good luck. You can do this!

[Lynne]

Yes - Don't hate yourself - but don't let it get to that point where you "forget" to get on the scale for months, only to wake up one day and find yourself back where your started. You know what needs to happen and it has nothing to do with self-loathing. It's more like self-appreciation; caring enough about yourself to eat good food in proper portions and move your body. YOU CAN DO IT!!

[LeeAnn]

What a great letter! I feel that was directed to me also!
Yes, we are just a soul in this body. It is great that you talked to it. That is so cool.
You can do this Mel!

[breckgirl]

Nice pep talk for Mel, by Mel! Those damned fries can really creep up on a girl, can't they? Hmmm. Well, it sounds like you're exercising and that is huge - keep that up! Your setback is only a minor derailment, unless you turn it into a full-scale train wreck. Judging from your letter, I am thinking you're not going to do that. I am proud of you for continuing to persevere and also, for continuing to post about what's going on. Your bravery is admirable! Have a good evening... and have one of those weight watcher english toffee ice cream bars - damn, those things ROCK for only 2 points.

[Desia]

Losing, gaining or maintaining, your writings are always inspirational Mel! Thanks...

I gained 8-10-ish pounds of lost weight back, during the last 4 months. Stress of coming back from a long holiday, moving, son (only 21) getting married, unexpectedly (but excitedly!) becoming a grandmother in the Fall, life, aging, being lazy, who knows?

[Paige]

You should really listen to that Mel girl. She really knows what she's talking about.

[Sara B]

The line about the fries made me laugh out loud! I think the most important part of this is realizing that we are not the number on the scale. Even though making that number smaller is a huge accomplishment to be proud of, it won't make us a better person. We're already worthy of love from others, so let's accept and love what we have now! You can do this!

[carrien]

You are very wise Mel. Now listen to yourself and believe what you just said, because it's true.

I'm praying for you that all of that other emotional stuff lurking underneath and behind your use of food to self medicate will be healed. Hope you don't mind.

You are loved, just as you are.