The Diet Naked Blog

Let me introduce myself

Hi!  My name is Melodee.  I plan to lose some weight, starting July 1.

I'm starting over.  Completely over.  I've eaten the Last Supper (including a pint of ice cream).  I am so full I'm not sure I will ever have a hunger pang again. 

Sometime in the past two weeks, I looked ahead and said to myself, "Self, July 1 would be a great date to start over."  Then I though, uh-oh, what about July 4th?  Independence Day?  A holiday?  And I realized that if I waited to get strict with my diet until every possible eating holiday had passed, I'd never get started.  Plus, as I recall, you can get through many holidays not eating white flour, white sugar or white potatoes.  After all, I did that without many slip-ups for almost a whole year.  I can certainly do it again.

I'm going to weigh in tomorrow.  I haven't decided if I will disclose my weight--oh WAIT a minute, I should tell you if I am really going to Diet Naked, right?  Well, I know it will be bad.  I'm quite rotund at the moment.  Anyway, my grand plan is to not weigh in for the whole month . . . just to be vigilant and on track.  However, as I think about it, then I would be deprived of the lovely experience of standing on the scale and seeing a smaller number.

Well, I guess I will decide as I go along.  I do know for sure, though, that my intention is to eliminate white flour, white sugar and white potatoes. 

Oh, and how did my June exercise challenge go?  I managed to exercise 25 out of 30 days, which is pretty good, compared, especially to my 6 out of 30 days the month before.  (Or was it eight?  I can't remember.)

So, who's with me?  Want to be extra-vigilant and determined for a whole month?  Imagine how thrilled we will be on August 1 after we've dropped some pounds!  I will be happy to zip up my summer shorts, which are 5-10 pounds too tight to wear at the moment.  (And I am never going to buy a larger size.  That's how I got into this mess in the first place--upsizing my clothes instead of downsizing my body!)

* * *

You can always read more about my fascinating non-food, non-body-related issues over at Actual Unretouched Photo, where I vow to write every day in July.  Because I am all about overdoing something if I decide to do it at all! 

Not gone

Hey, I know, where have I been?  Truthfully, I've been dealing with stress by overeating, which is stupid.  This time of year should be all about fresh strawberries and sunshine, but we are in the midst of some major life changes which make my 10-year old son sob and make me want to eat something smooth and creamy.

Yeah, I'm not going to weigh in tomorrow because I just can't bear it.  I know that I am gaining weight from how my clothes fit and while it is completely unacceptable to me, my behavior and my thoughts are not in alignment.  Sigh.

I am, however, continuing to exercise this month.  After my first two days of walking, I hobbled around the house, wincing and complaining.  It's remarkable how quickly you can get past that if you just keep moving.  I'm so happy to be walking outdoors in the lovely weather, although I'm conscious of my stomach.  Isn't that crazy?  All I can think about is how fat I look and that thought makes me want to eat something fattening.

I'm swirling in a whirlpool of bad choices. 

I know that the past few months have been full of resolutions and plans and determination . . . but I am going to keep coming up with ideas until I get this ship turned around.  (I am almost as large as a ship and I turn very slowly.)  I am giving myself until July 1 and then no more nonsense.  I'm going to monitor my diet again with the same obsessiveness I did when I began this journey over two years ago.  I tell myself that June was all about exercise.  July will be all about good food.  Put them together by August 1 I will be back in control.  I will.  

And so, that's where I've been.  I did intend to blog yesterday, but somehow got locked out of my blog.  Technical difficulties.

So, it's an unofficial weigh-in day.  Feel free to post your numbers or post your resolutions.  I know I am not alone and that thought has given me strength many times before. 

Ouch

Yesterday, I had a little bit of free time between shifts.  The younger kids were at the pool with my husband.  So I went for a walk.

I returned home an hour and fifteen minutes later with a blister on my toe. 

Today, I thought I'd just ride my exercise bike (easier on the toes!),  but my husband (God bless him) took the kids to the pool again, so I was free to leave the house.  I drove to a nice walking trail and walked for an hour. 

It feels great to walk.  And I am in love with my tiny iPod.  Music in my ears really makes the walk go by quickly and easily.

However. . . OUCH!  I am so sore from the unaccustomed movement that I am hobbling around.  That soreness is that good kind, though, the kind that reminds me that one day I might develop firm muscles instead of floppy fat. 

Also, it's better to never stop walking than to have to break in your feet all over again.  (My shoes are good, it's just that my feet have lost their toughness!)

In lieu of a weigh-in

By the time you read this, I'll be working frantically.  But I want you to have something to read (since you will not read, "Oh, I am at my goal weight, living happily ever after," at least not this week, not in this blog). 

My friend, Annie, is hilarious.  I heart her.

Click here and check out her video blog about (not) losing weight while on a trip.

Thoughts very late at night

My husband decided he needed to lose a few pounds.  He saw a commercial on television and ordered Nutrisystem.  That was in January.

No fuss, no muss, no emotional wrangling.  He just ate what they gave him and once in awhile ate what he wanted.  He lost fifteen or twenty pounds, who really knows since he didn't weigh himself before he started because it didn't matter that much. 

He reached an acceptable weight, saw a bunch of his college buddies at a reunion. 

And then the Nutrisystem meals ran out, he did not reorder and he's back to eating his normal hodge-podge diet without guilt.

I realized yesterday that a ten pound weight gain to him would just be a ten pound weight gain.  To me, a ten pound weight gain is a verdict about my character, a statement about my worth as a human being, a blemish upon my personality.  Losing weight is not a matter of eating less and moving more but an emotional journey replete with anxiety and self-recriminations and agony.

I guess I am not convinced yet that I am more than my body.  The way I see myself is seriously messed up because ten (fifteen?) pounds turned my self-perception from "hey, cute!" to "kill me now, I'm revolting."  And I'm still wearing the same pants, though they are admittedly tighter.  Sometimes I don't think I'd be able to pick myself out of a police line-up.  What do I look like?  Who am I?

My husband thinks I'm perfect the way I am and I do believe he's telling me the (his?)  truth.  I don't think anyone really cares how much I weigh.  Other than me, of course.  I care.  But I'm not sure why I care so much.  The numbers on the scale have too much weight, too much power over me.

* * *

I missed a day of exercise last Friday.  As I brushed my teeth at 11:35 that night, I realized that in the craziness of helping my boys with high school finals and worked nine hours (noon until 9 p.m. with a one-hour break) I had totally forgotten.  However, the next day, I was back on track.  Exercise is good, very very good.

Weigh-In

Hi. 

187.

No time to talk.

End of school year with homeschooled twins.

ACK.

(Still maintaining my exercise streak.)

Exercising

As it turns out, it's possible to exercise if you simply plan ahead a little.  Like this morning:  I knew that we'd be going out tonight (dinner and a movie to celebrate my husband's birthday), so I had to exercise before I worked. 

And I'm glad I did.  I'm always so happy that I exercised when I finish.  It's the getting started that's the hard part.

Also, my pants are looser.  And it's not just my imagination. 

So, I'm heading in the right direction.  I haven't missed a day of exercise this month, which means I have already accumulated more days of exercise this month than I managed the whole month of May.

All it takes is a little planning ahead and a little commitment.

How are you doing?  Finding time to exercise? 

Howdy!

Hey, so, I didn't weigh in yesterday, but I weighed in today and it was not good news.  The scale said 189 and I said to myself, "SELF, STOP IT!"

I also thought, hey, what would happen if I stopped allowing those little extras this week?  what would happen if I truly ate a low-glycemic index diet, no excuses?   I'LL LET YOU KNOW IF I LISTENED TO MYSELF NEXT THURSDAY!

If I was flexible enough, I'd kick myself in the butt.

Hey, but there is this.  Since I declared June "Let's Exercise Month" I have kept that commitment to myself.  I have exercise every day since June 1 and intend to make it through the end of the month.  For sure.  Because . . . why not?  Why not, indeed.

I've started to think of myself as a fat person again.  Like, I want to hide my body and I want to stay in more than I want to go out. I don't regard myself in the mirror and think, "I'm kind of cute today."  Here's the part that some of you might not understand:  my excess weight has gathered in my bosom, the least helpful place for it to gather.  I am already buxom enough and having my cups overflow is not exactly what I need. 

Oh, and, of course, the remaining pounds have clustered in a jolly party around my middle. 

You know, you never really hear anyone talking about gaining weight back and how that feels.  (Awful.  Embarrassing.  Ridiculous.)  People retreat into silence and anonymity and try not to be noticed if and when they are getting chubby again.  I've seen it happen, noticed that people go missing, both in real life and on the computer.

I am not going missing.  I will not disappear.  I promise. 

I hope to be one of those who documents reality, but at the same time, manages to buck the trend, to defy the odds, to become a success story, even though I seem to be taking a long, circuitous route to the Promised Land of skim-milk and no honey.

So, let's keep exercising while I get myself together.

Hey, it's June! Let's exercise!

People, oh, people.  May wasn't so good on the exercise front.  I kept track on my bathroom calendar.  I exercised the last three days of April and I was so optimistic, so proud of myself when I made it four days in a row, then . . . but after that?  Dismal.

In fact, during the month of May, I managed a grand total of EIGHT days of exercise.  Eight.  (Better than "ate," I suppose, but not good.)  I had all kinds of great reasons: 

1)  I was too tired.
2)  I was too depressed.
3)  I didn't want to.
4)  I'd rather walk than ride the exercise bike, but I couldn't get away from my house, so I did nothing instead.
5)  I was too lazy.

So, putting that behind me, I've decided to turn that frown upside down, to atone for my failure, to simply start over.  And so I issue this challenge to you as well as myself . . . how about exercising every day in June?  Yes?  (Oh, you might not get this until tomorrow, June 2, so you are excused for June 1.)

I exercised today, though I did not want to, though I could think of so many other things to do (reclining on my bed, reading a novel, for instance). 

Will you join me?  I'm not making any promises about July or August, but I think I can exercise for the whole month of June.  All it takes is commitment and a little creative scheduling. 

About relapsing

This blog is neglected much like my motivation.  I fully admit to being in tatters.  However, my recent reading of The Incredible Shrinking Critic: 75 Pounds and Counting: My Excellent Adventure in Weight Loss has bolstered my faltering belief that I can stop this free-fall and regain my footing.  The author started her weight loss journey at 230 pounds (similar to my own starting point).  She lost 60 pounds . . . then has a chapter called "Relapse" where she recounts gaining 10 pounds . . . or more.  She says she was afraid to check and that she had to go up a size.

And then, after that, she lost more weight.  She overcame her relapse--IT IS POSSIBLE--and was successful.

I also found it interesting that so many of us start our weight loss journeys with an arbitrary number in mind.  The "Incredible Shrinking Critic" wanted to lose 100 pounds.  That was her publicly stated goal.  She lost 75 pounds and decided that was more realistic.  Jennette Fulda (aka PastaQueen of "Half of Me" blog fame--link over there on my blogroll) intended to reach 160 pounds.  She got to 180 and decided that was enough.  She told me it was a weight that was realistic for her to maintain while enjoying a splurge from time to time.

So many of you told me that perhaps 170 pounds was where my body wanted to stay, that perhaps my stated goal of 150 was unrealistic for this time of my life, for my age, for whatever reason.  I refused to accept that idea.  I wanted to weigh 150 pounds. 

Now, after having a relapse, after struggling for these past five months, I just want to weigh 170 pounds again.  I promise I'd never complain again! 

(Well, maybe.)

Anyway, the beauty of reading blogs and weight-loss memoirs is that you find you are really not alone in the struggle. I really liked this memoir.  (I have a stack I'm working my way through.)  So does Kristin.  She recommended it to me long ago.