With renewed (!) determination

Weight:  197  (!!!)

Sometimes, I am bewildered by my weight gain.  How did this happen?  I conveniently forget the batches of chocolate chip cookies and the spoonfuls of ice cream and the french fries I've consumed in the last six months.  It's amazing that for so long I was so careful and then . . . not so much.

When I stopped walking every morning--purely a logistical decision since I started working until midnight four nights a week--my resolve crumbled and my "lifestyle change" fell apart.  And it's been so difficult to pull all the pieces back together . . . they keep floating off into space as if gravity itself has failed.

Most of July I have eaten a sensible diet, but last Tuesday, I took the children on a day-trip and we had a picnic.  Instead of packing something separate for myself, I ate crackers and cheese and cookies.  And possibly Chex Mix.  Okay, CHEX MIX!  I admit it.  Can anything make me gain weight faster than Chex Mix?  Possibly only Pringles potato chips, which I also ate.

That day was to be an aberration, just a bit of craziness in a sober, sensible month.  And then Wednesday I took the kids to Wild Waves, our local waterpark and . . . well, I won't even tell you what I ate, lest you begin to crave it yourself and start to justify eating amusement park foods.

And so, seven pounds gained (huh?  really?) in two days.  I have atoned for my wild living with a reasonable diet today, full of oatmeal, blueberries, turkey breast, hummus and grapes.

The seriousness of what I've allowed to happen was undeniable yesterday when I buttoned a blouse that used to look so cute and now looks so small! 

In three weeks, we're going on vacation.  I aim to live these next three weeks with focus and determination.  I'm going to start a new mini-exercise streak tomorrow because I know how important exercise is to my weight loss efforts.  I bought five pound weights to aid in my efforts.

So, there you go.  I am still in this thing, never giving up.  So many people lose weight, then gain it all back (and more) and I just cannot be in that group.  I want to be fit, not fat.

Comments

[Melissa]

That's the spirit! I find I have to be careful with the "off-days," because I never know when another one will pop up - and then I've gone and messed up again.

[Ginny]

You can do it! (And so can I!) I am still up and down the same 2-5 pounds from the last year, with 10 more to go.

And I've got to tell you, the Pringles....oh, I love the Pringles far too much. We had 3 cans in the house last week, now we have none... (Ok, I didn't eat them all, the family helped, but I did a fair amount of damage.)

[Sabine]

It's so hard, isn't it? Think of it this way - each time you've 'failed' you've gained some new knowledge about yourself, which situations are dangerous to your eating or exercise plan, which foods are triggers, etc. This time it seems to be the change in routine that derailed you. But you are determined and you will find a way to live sanely with, well, an eating disorder.

I'm 53 and have been fighting this battle since I was 15. My current strategy is to live as if I were already at my goal weight. So, I figured out how many calories I should need for a sedentary 55-year old (hopefully in 2 years I will have lost the 30 pounds) and am eating that way now. Some days I've gone over my limit of 1626 calories but mostly I've stuck to it. It's going to be slow. I'll be lucky to lose 2 pounds a month but I am re-training myself to live as I'm going to have to live.

I got to my goal weight through TOPS over 10 years ago (and was crowned Queen of my TOPS chapter) and then was hit with catastrophic health problems. I couldn't exercise as I used to and was bed-ridden often. Slowly, I gained all my weight back and then a bit more. I'm still not healthy but I want to at least be slim and like what I see in the mirror. I want all my clothes to fit and I want to collect a nice wardrobe, just in one size.

Weighing and measuring my food and counting calories is really such a small price to pay. And it's never been easier to count calories as they are being listed even on our foods here in Canada now. And you can find the calorie counts for almost anything on the internet, even for fast foods. I don't deny myself anything but I do plan my calories ahead somewhat so that I am left with enough as I have to eat every 3 hours. I need some protein each time I eat because I have post-prandial hypoglycemia. It makes it a bit harder but it's a blessing in disguise, in a way. There is no way I can crash diet with this condition so I have to learn how to lose slowly and be content with that. And I am. :o)

You will find a way that works for you, for life. You've come so far already.

[pastaswife]

Go Mel!!! I am cheering loud for you all the way from Oregon!! I am so proud of you for NEVER giving up!

Walking with you,
Alisa

[Dev]

Hi Mel ~ Glad to see I'm not alone in this boat. I rededicated yesterday. Got on the scale (against my better judgment) and was horrified. I knew I'd gained some with vacations and all, but I literally felt my heart plummet to the floor when I saw what the scale said.

I have faith in you. I'll enjoy watching your journey!

[Groovy Mom]

I'm right there with ya! I started an exercise streak that is 2 weeks running strong now. Still haven't lost a pound! Ugh. When I stopped walking and training for the 3-day my resolve and healthy lifestyle fell apart too. It must be that all or nothing mindset I have. I either succeed gloriously or utterly fail. Anyway, I'm done beating myself up for allowing this to happen. (I still have the bruises from that self-bashing.) Now, I'm just trying hard to not give up and keep moving forward.

Pringles are the devil. :-)

[JP]

You talk about a struggle I'll have to fight every day for the rest of my life. I've accepted that in order to remain thinner, I'm going to have to work out. I don't want to limit myself when it comes to food, and I refuse to feel bad about the occasional ice cream sundae or potato chips. Life is about living and I choose to live my life with balance. Eat ice cream? OK! Run a couple miles. Ugh... life is going to be long, God willing.

[Kini]

You said it very well, Mel. I have been feeling that way for a year now, like I cannot seem to get a grip on things like I once had.

We're here for you. You can do it. So can we. So can I.