The Diet Naked Blog

Working out

Okay, so this morning, I so did not want to walk.  I did my trick of dressing for my morning walk and even that didn't work.  So, I returned home after dropping off my daughter at school and decided to ride my exercise bike instead.

I almost got off the bike after 15 minutes, but managed to complete my thirty minutes in the most lackluster manner imaginable.  And then I took a shower and climbed back into bed and slept another half an hour.

This afternoon, my 6-year old daughter asked if we could go for a walk, on the "long walk" as she calls it.  I told her we could when I finished working, after we dropped her brother off at football practice.  And that's exactly what we did.

We arrived at the trail at 5:45 p.m.  The sun was already setting, but I thought we had plenty of light left.  After the first flat mile, I told her we could just turn around if she didn't want to go up and down hills.  "It's a long way," I told her.  She was determined to finish the course.

And that's how we ended up walking up the switchback hills in almost complete darkness, her sweaty little hand clutching mine, pulling back in an expression of fear.  I banished the thought of serial killers from my mind and told myself that the two skateboarding guys we'd seen pass us were completely harmless. 

My poor baby girl was exhausted and her feet hurt by the time we climbed up the last hill.  I, on the other hand, had hardly given a thought to my own lungs and hamstrings since I was half-worried about the dark and wondering why in the world I didn't know it would be so dark by 6:45 p.m.

I'm thrilled that I managed two exercise sessions today, but a trip to Trader Joe's ended with a container of cookies being transported into our house and . . . well, bad things happened. 

But tomorrow is another day.  And I'm thinking that November 1 would be a great day to start an exercise streak.  Also?  How can Christmas be just around the corner?  And?  How can it be 1 a.m. already!?

Official Tuesday Weigh In

What a busy day! 

I weighed 203.2 pounds this morning. 

How about you?  Weigh in now, if you want.

Wonky Self-Perception

Why is it that I never seem to know how I look?  When I was 13 and weighed 123 (after going on my first diet and losing 13 pounds), I thought I was fat.  On my wedding day, weighing 143 pounds, my hand fluttered to my stomach time after time.  You can see it in the video.  I kept smoothing my gown over my "fat" stomach, though anyone with eyes can see that my stomach is not fat.  I'm all collarbones and boobs on my wedding day.

Last year, when I was still 170 pounds and holding for a whole year, all I could see was the pudgy fat at my sides.  I obsessed over my post-pregnancy squishy mid-section, even though I looked completely normal (while wearing clothes, ha).  I can see now in photographs that I was fine.  I was not bone-thin, but I was not fat.  I only thought I was still fat. 

And now I am thirty pounds heavier and I'm not sure how I look.  I tell myself that I'm fat (I am so mean to myself) and remind myself not to get too cocky because my face is fuller than last year and I don't look as cute.  When I see photos from last year, I can see, looking back, that I was all right. 

Someone tried to tell me that maybe my body liked being at 170 and that striving to reach 150 pounds might be unrealistic, but I did not listen.  I did not listen because I knew what they did not seem to understand--that I was fat.  Fat at 170 pounds, fat wearing size 12 jeans, fat, fat, fat. 

Honestly?  Who even cares?  I am pretty sure that I am the only one who cares deeply about the size of my pants and about my chubby face.  If the world is a parade, marching by, I am standing with my back to the spectacle, worrying about a crack in the sidewalk.  Enough!  Join in the parade, embrace the music, and celebrate!  I am such a party-pooper.

Meanwhile, while I am shuffling these thoughts around in my head, I am also trying to eat sensibly and exercise.  This morning found me on the difficult walking trail, though it was the very last thing I wanted to do when I woke up after seven hours of sleep.  And . . . I am coming to realize that perhaps I need to . . . journal my food and/or count calories.  I am stalled and I need a jump-start. 

* * *
 This will appear first thing on Tuesday morning, Official Weigh-In day, but I am writing it at 1 a.m. on Tuesday . . . so look for a weigh-in post later on.  I'm going to sleep first!

Eat more

Tonight, I had fat-free popcorn while I worked.  Turns out, that was a pretty good choice, according to this article on RealAge.com. 

But when I was done, I wanted something sweet.  Specifically, I wanted to eat all the Halloween-sized Kit Kats.  (I clearly cannot have Halloween candy in the house this year prior to October 31.)  Anyway, instead, I headed to the kitchen for a sugar-free pudding, but saw the Ricotta cheese.  I remembered that South Beach Ricotta dessert recipe, so I mooshed one together.  (Here's a recipe for it, though I used a lot more cocoa and no mini chocolate chips.) 

The good thing about that dessert is that it has protein and little-to-no-sugar.  So when I finished, I was finished.  When I eat (a-hem) Halloween candy, I can't seem to stop.  (I can't.  I admit it.  I am a slave to the Halloween candy, so I must not get close enough for it to grab me!)

What's your favorite diet-friendly dessert?

Official (I don't want to) Weigh In

205.2

Whatever.

How about you?

I haven't done very well

This past week hasn't been very good in terms of the food I have put into my mouth.  Why?  I wish I knew exactly--but does it really matter?  What matters is not how I feel about things, but what I do.  Actions speak louder than words.  Actions matter more than feelings.

(Do they?  Huh.  I need to think about that for a bit.)

Anyway, I suspect that my lack of exercise has left me a bit depressed and as the weather turns cloudy and rainy, my mood turns gray as well.  My family has been exceptionally busy the past few weeks and on weekends, when I depend on a few hours away to regroup and saturate myself in solitude, I've been unable to meet those essential needs.  I am peopled-out.  (Do you know what I mean?  You introverts might.)

It's no one's fault, just the way life is right now. 

Sometimes I long for a selfish life, a life in which my need to exercise, my desire to eat whole foods and sleep a solid eight hours a night were all that mattered.  But I have chosen a different life and I have to figure out a way to find balance.

Seriously, how long will it take me to regain my equilibrium, to find my way out of this tangled forest and back on the path I followed so easily before?  Now, every time I think I'm heading in the right direction, I encounter a huge obstacle or a switchback--no more level, gravel paths to easy weight loss.  (I am kind of mad about that, too.)

So, life is a journey.  I'm wandering in the wilderness right now.  I find the path for a minute, then immediately lose my way again.  It's depressing.  But I'm starting fresh tomorrow, after what will surely be a disappointing, but expected weight gain. 

Sigh.

Take the Pledge

If you click on that button, you can go and sign up and "take the pledge" to reduce bottled water waste.  This is in conjunction with The Biggest Loser (season ending in December . . . I have it all recorded, but haven't had a chance to watch it) and Brita/FilterforGood. 

Oh, and they've turned this into a contest:  the blogger with the most readers who take the pledge gets some kind of goody-bag.  And maybe, they'll send me something to give to random readers who say they've gone through all the rigamarole.

You just never know.  (This what you should do:  Type my blog URL [http://dietnakedblog.com] in the comments field when they take the pledge on filterforgood.com. After the final episode, they’ll count all the pledges and announce the winners.)

A Mindful Chocolate Meditation

I received this in my email and am passing it along without any editing whatsoever.  Maybe it will be helpful to someone.   This was written by Susan Albers, Psy.D.

* * *

OAKLAND, California – October 16, 2008 – Walk into any grocery store and there's likely to be a Halloween aisle brimming over with candy.  Those who struggle with mindless eating have already begun to wonder how they'll stay clear of trick-or-treat sweets.  Many people find that Halloween spurs a particularly tough time of the year, and as the holidays keep coming, it only becomes more challenging.  Dieters, mindless eaters, self-described chocoholics, and others wonder how will they survive yet another holiday season.

Susan Albers, a psychologist and author of Eat, Drink, and Be Mindful, recommends that people practice a mindful chocolate meditation.  She doesn't believe people should avoid chocolate, or other trigger foods, completely.  Not only would that not be fun, but it also isn't realistic.  Instead, she advocates that people eat candy and other foods they crave in a new way.  "The problem is that people often think about eating the next piece of candy before they've even finished enjoying the one they have,” Dr. Albers says.  "Then they feel unsatisfied and go for more.”  She acknowledges that learning to eat foods mindful might not be easy, but it is worth it.

Dr. Albers recommends that as people practice the exercise, they get into a comfortable position, notice what emotions arise, and use all of their senses.  Some of the steps are:
1.      Notice the weight of a piece of chocolate in your hand.
2.      Observe the shape and color.
3.      As you unwrap it, listen to the crinkle of the foil or paper.
4.      Bring the chocolate up to your nose, and inhale deeply.  Notice what thoughts come in your mind as you do this.  Let the thoughts come and go.
5.      Place the chocolate in your mouth.  Notice the flavor, richness, and texture.

People will notice that when they slow down long enough to be present while consuming chocolate, they can fully taste each piece instead of scarfing it down.  When people are mindful, they naturally eat less chocolate and other trigger foods.  Their fear of uncontrollably eating every piece of Halloween candy will lessen, and they'll be able to fully enjoy the experience.

Susan Albers, Psy.D., is a licensed psychologist who specializes in eating issues, weight loss, body image concerns, and mindfulness. Albers conducts mindful eating workshops nationally and internationally. Eat, Drink & Be Mindful: How to End Your Struggle with Mindless Eating and Start Savoring Food with Intention and Joy will be published January 2009 and is available for pre-order on Amazon.com.  You can find her online at www.eatingmindfully.com.

Weigh in?

So, you know that I was away last weekend.  Upon my return, life resumed at a faster rate than ever.  Oh, that's no excuse, right?  Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I didn't weigh myself today.  I worked last night until midnight and got to bed at 1 a.m.  This morning, I accompanied my daughter on her first kindergarten field trip to a Pumpkin Patch.  Within fifteen minutes of returning home, I started working and worked until 5 p.m. . . . at which point, I took my son to football practice, then returned home to cook dinner.  Then I had an hour until I started my second shift, which I have just finished. 

I think I'll weigh in next Tuesday with the goal of getting under 200 again. 

(Oh, but you know what?  My last post talked about priorities and mentioned walking . . . I so did not want to walk on Monday morning, but I thought about that blog post, told myself to just put on my walking shoes, that I didn't really have to walk, but I did when it was all said and done.  And I felt pretty good, too.  So, good for me.)

Anyone want to check in, though?  For accountability?  Feel free.  As always, thank you for sharing my journey to better health and smaller pants.  I appreciate your support.

Thoughts during the weekend

I spent the weekend in a mountain lodge, working on a photo scrapbook of photographs from 2004.  There were maybe twenty other women of all shapes, sizes and ages . . . and a table full of junk food.  (I mostly resisted, though I do confess to some late-night concoction involving a gooey brownie and ice cream.  I am sort of scared to weigh in on Tuesday, though before I left I weighed 201.)

Anyway.

I recognized one of the women from last year at my table, only she looked much smaller.  I did not say anything to her about the size of her backside, though, because it seemed intrusive to me.  But I did wonder if she'd lost weight.

Later on, one of the other women at the table asked her if she'd lost weight.  "Yes," she said, "Thirty-five pounds, actually."  And then she explained how she did it:  smaller portions, including eating off a smaller plate, and lots and lots of working out, including "hot yoga," a 90-minute yoga class that takes place in a really hot room. 

I hate to say it, but I felt rather cynical hearing about her success.  (Isn't that terrible?)  I thought to myself that it would just be a matter of time until the 90-minute hot-yoga classes drop in priority and only a matter of time until the weight would creep back on because who can sustain focus on weight loss forever?  Or weight maintenance?  Who?  (Some of you, people everywhere, just not the person wearing my jeans, me.)

I probably shouldn't even say this because I want you all to like me and be encouraged by this blog.  I sound like Bitter Betty (no offense to anyone named Betty).  But I think that losing weight--especially the first time around when you have momentum and enthusiasm on your side--is easier than maintaining the loss.  When your focus shifts, everything can come undone. 

I do hope, though, that next year when I see her again that she is happily maintaining her smaller figure.   I really do.  I wish her success.

In other news, while up in the mountains, we took a glorious hike up and up and then down and along a lake.  I would happily hike every day of my life if given the chance. 

Meanwhile, tomorrow, I need to get myself out and onto my walking trail and put away the thought that other things (cleaning out the fridge!  catching up on laundry!  planting daffodil bulbs!) are more important.