The Diet Naked Blog

Checking in during the weekend

Every week is crazy, but this one was more crazy than normal.  In addition to the regular happenings in my week, the additional things happened:

1)  I turned 44 years old and went out to dinner with my husband.  (He bought me an iPhone!)

2)  My husband flew to Texas to retrieve a new-to-us car.  He'll be back Wednesday night, probably.

3)  My neighbor's son was sick, so I had three extra days of carpool duty--which happens to coincide with my afternoon work-shift.

4)  I had a writing assignment, due today. 

I think that's it.  I also started over, yet again.  I pulled out the meal-plan I created for myself way back in April.  APRIL!  I used Fitday.com to calculate the calories I was eating on a "good" day.  The total ended up being 1,300 calories, with 25% of the calories from fat, 35% of the calories from carbs and 40% of the calories from protein.  The past two days, I have stuck pretty close to that plan. 

Last weekend, I went on a scrapbooking retreat where I used photographs from 2005 to put together an album.  In 2005, I was fat.  I was not cute at that weight.  In January, I tried to start a diet and failed.  I kept trying and finally, in April, 2006, I finally got some traction and the weight began to drop.

That's where I want to be again.  I don't want 2009 to be another year where I hate every single picture I see of myself. 

Anyway, that's where I am and what I am thinking about.  I have more to say and now that my writing assignment is completed (hooray), I will be blogging regularly again. 

Long time no see

Hi.  Sorry!  I'm here, but I've been absolutely swamped (and exhausted) since I got back from my weekend away. 

(I was going to say I'm bigger and better than ever but that would only be half true.)

Anyway, my husband is going out of town tomorrow and despite having a writing assignment deadline on Saturday (for a real paying gig, a small gig, but a gig nonetheless with money and did I mention a deadline?) I will be back tomorrow.  I think.  Oh, and tomorrow is our weigh-in day, right?  But I'm already telling you that I'm not weighing it.  It was my birthday today and, uh, well, I took a vacation from eating right.  Ha.

But I am not giving up the fight.  In fact, I'm composing a Letter to Myself in my head at this very moment.  And I will post it soon.

If you wrote a letter to yourself, what would you tell yourself? 

Out of Town

Hi, I'm out of town right now, reliving the year 2005 through photographs at a Scrapbooking Retreat.  Miss me.

(I weighed 208.6 this morning, which is not a loss.  I feel really hopeless, which sounds really bleak, but at the same time, I am pretty sure I can do this if I simply make the correct choices and make myself a priority.  JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE WHO NEEDS TO LOSE WEIGHT.  It's so simple, yet so complicated.)

We'll talk more Monday.  Meanwhile, chat amongst yourselves.  And check out some of the blogs on the blogroll to your left. 

Come close

I have a confession.

I worry that I can't lose this weight.  I worry that the magic has disappeared and no matter what, I am doomed to be fat.  I worry that my metabolism has betrayed me and my old age (44 in a matter of days) has caught up with me and I will never, ever fit into the clothes stacked in my closet again.

I'm not sure if that's why I ate those Wheat Thins yesterday or if it was simply a matter of eating something because I saw it and I knew how satisfying it would be to crunch those little crackers while I worked.  Am I sabotaging myself?  Am I a living breathing self-fulfilling prophecy?  Am I doing this to myself for some crazy reason that I have buried deep inside?

Or am I just stuck in a cycle of bad choices and depression and stupidity?  Not to mention bad habits (eating while working at the computer, for instance).

When I change my clothes or get ready for a shower I am shocked at my appearance in the mirror.  And I wasn't even very happy with what I saw when I was at 170 for that year. . . but now?  I am overflowing the boundaries of myself.  I'm like the can of biscuits that pops open with a little explosion.  (You know what I'm talking about?  I'm Mrs. Pillsbury Dough Girl.)  I am perfect if you're looking for a cushiony lap to sit upon, but not so great otherwise.  I don't want to be a comfy grandma lap quite yet.

All this angst and I didn't even weigh myself this morning.  (I had to get up earlier than usual and get showered and dressed--there was no time to weigh myself--I have to put my scale in the kitchen because my bathroom has carpet, blah blah blah.  Anyway, I'll weigh in the morning.)

And don't get me started on hormones and the rest.  My time of the month (sorry, male readers for veering into this territory) is overdue (no, I'm not pregnant) and frankly, I'm kind of annoyed with the occasional irregularity (hello?  perimenopause?  is that you knocking?).

On a positive note . . . I have pretty much kicked the caffeine habit without much of an encounter with headaches.  I was concerned about that and tapered off slowly.  And the headaches that I was getting while I was drinking caffeine have stopped.  So that's good.

But all the rest?  The angst?  The fretfulness?  The despair?  Not stopped and not good.  Why, oh why, oh why has this turned into such a winding road, a dead-end maze, an uphill climb?  (How many metaphors can I put into one sentence?  You'd be surprised.)

I may be chubby, but at least I can write.  Ha.

Official Thursday Weigh In

How much do you weigh today?  Check in.  I'll be back later to post my own weight.

Crock-Pot Steel Cut Oatmeal

Here's the information about cooking your oatmeal in your Crock-Pot.  Some of you asked in the comments on the previous post, so I thought I'd just link to my prior post about this.

Foods you should avoid

Here's a quick article about foods you should avoid and why you should avoid them, courtesy of Prevention.com. 

And how am I doing?  Frankly, I'm overwhelmed by my life--which isn't even that stressful of a life, by some standards.  I just feel boxed in.  And I don't have enough time to do what I want to do, or even what I need to do.  (Hello, filthy Kitchen Floor.)

Is it possible to lose weight while feeling like this?  And would losing weight help me not feel this crazed?  I do know that if I lost weight I wouldn't be able to blame any of my discontent on my chubby tummy.

Weekend Update

Since I learned how to make steel-cut oats in my Crock-Pot, that's become my favorite way to start each day (even if I'm starting it at noon).

My schedule is a little abnormal--I work until midnight five nights a week and seldom get to bed before 1:00 a.m.  Lately, I've had trouble falling asleep even then, so I'm not getting enough sleep.  I do have the option of taking a mid-morning nap (after I get up and take the kids to school) but that replaces my morning walk. 

What's a girl to do? 

Well, first of all, I decided to give up caffeine.  Today is my first 100% caffeine-free day.  And I don't even have a headache, but I think that's because I took a dose of ibuprofren and because I gradually cut down the caffeine instead of dramatically cutting it out entirely.  I am hoping that less caffeine means more sleep.

Also, if I don't exercise in the morning, I'm trying to exercise at night.  That strategy worked pretty well last week and I managed to get in four days of exercise.  This week I'm attempting to exercise thirty minutes a day for five days.

I'd be lying if I didn't say that I am a little discouraged with the molasses-slow progress of weight loss.  Why can I gain weight so quickly and then lose it so slowly?  It's not fair!  (She stomps her feet for emphasis.) 

Well, it is what it is.  I'm striving to eat properly this week and hoping for decent results on the scale (and I'm trying not to compare myself to my husband who is "doing" Jenny Craig). 

Hope you had a good weekend!

A note about my other blog

I am tired tonight and so I have nothing to say here. 

But if you are a reader of my other blog, Actual Unretouched Photo, do not be alarmed.   Well, it's alarming, but not to you.  Some--I kid not--Russian hackers apparently exploited something in the Wordpress version I had (long story as to why it's Wordpress). . . anyway, it infected everything and my blog-guy worked ten hours on it but was not able to finish working. . . and now he's road-tripping back to his home.  (I have no idea where that is.)  The blog will be back Monday or Tuesday--I hope.

Anyway, I feel kind of lost without my other blog alive and breathing on the Internet.  So I will tell you this instead:  I saw daffodils poking out of the ground.  The very sight of those green tips caused me to rush into my house to retrieve the bulbs I bought from a school fundraiser so I could hurriedly bury them into the ground.  (I spent a hundred bucks on those bulbs!) 

The ground was cold, but I planted them all (bags and bags) and hopefully my efforts will be rewarded come summer-time. 

Oh!  And I exercised tonight even though I absolutely did not want to.  I've fit in thirty minute exercise sessions Monday, Tuesday and Thursday this week.  Yay me.

Official Thursday Weigh In

Yesterday, I weighed 211.  That is not good.

Today, I weighed 208.  Go figure.  I was so alarmed by yesterday's weight that this is what I ate yesterday:

Oatmeal with slivered almonds and Craisins (just a few)
Salad with two hard-boiled eggs and low-fat, low-sugar dressing
Orange
Cauliflower, broccoli, carrots and a can of tuna
Fat-free Greek Yogurt sweetened with sugar-free jam and Fiber-One cereal
Baby carrots

That is probably how I should eat every day.  No fat-free popcorn, alas.  No "fake" food. 

Time to weigh in, if you want.  (Or if you should.)