Lifestyle Change

When I embarked on this weight loss journey almost three years ago, I was desperate.  I was afraid that nothing would ever work, that I was destined for fatness and that somehow I'd have to learn to live with two chins.  I chose a diet that I could live with forever.  For.  Ever.  It included popcorn at the movies and a square of dark chocolate every day.

And then I lost fifty-five pounds or so.  It wasn't that difficult, either.  It was like magic, really.  Oh, nostalgia!

I was kind of smug because finally, I had made a Lifestyle Change, that elusive permanent solution to weight problems.

The only problem was that just as I'd incorporated that Lifestyle Change, my lifestyle changed!  Instead of crawling out of bed at 6:00 a.m. for a morning walk with a walking buddy, I began working until midnight and dozing until far past dawn.  Instead of a part-time job, I started working forty-hours a week--not counting all the "non-work" that is involved in taking care of four kids, a house, three cats and one husband.  Oh, and speaking of husbands--instead of having a husband working three minutes away who was available to run errands and sometimes help me during the day, he took a new job and began working eleven hour days in another town. 

Pretty much everything that constituted my lifestyle changed.  And I have yet to fully adapt to those changes.

I am making jerky attempts to find my groove.  Working out with the DVDs in my living room has been a surprisingly fun thing to do.  And now the days are longer and I think I might be able to fit in a semi-regular evening walk (depending on my husband's crazy schedule).  I am trying to eat in moderation and not freak out if a cookie jumps into my mouth.

And I'm no longer smug.  I'm humbled my by failure, by my reactions to the stresses I encountered in 2008.  Instead of prancing along a high-wire without a safety net, I'm more like someone who lost her balance who now precariously clings to the high-wire with arms and legs wrapped around it, inching along on my belly, hoping to avoid splatting on the pavement below.

So much for my Lifestyle Change.  Funny how old habits lurk just under the surface!  (Ice cream still soothes me, even though I know I should know better.) 

Comments

[meg]

Great post. I often wonder how we all have such overly busy lives, are surrounded by an over abundance of food and don't all weigh at least 500 lbs. I think we are doing fine! Thanks for the perspective, Mel!

[LeeAnn]

I know how you are feeling. I am always afraid of that happening! But, yes. I think everything in moderation works well. Just keep holding on!!!

[jsprik]

dude, ice cream is like my.best.friend. when i am sad or gloomy or depressed. my grandpa just died and no-kidding, i told my hubby i needed peanut butter cup ice cream. it's a real problem!! i want to get a dancing work out dvd. i LOVE to dance (don't do it well, but love it).

[Alisa]

You are doing the right thing...NOT giving up! I am proud of you. Keep going...you still inspire me. I'm in this with you!

[Steph]

Mine is Doritos. DH and I are in the process of buying a house, in a community 30 minutes from where we live now. There will be new schools, a new long commute for DH and I'm freaking out about a mortgage. So anyway, yeah I understand. And I must keep the Doritos out of the house! :-)

[Stacy]

I can relate to your lifestyle change story. A couple of years ago I had make an awesome lifestyle change for the better. Living healthy became routine and I thought it'd last forever.

Then I got pregnant and started working full-time. Add this to the guilt I felt putting my oldest in daycare for 10 hours a day, and my healthy lifestyle went out the door.

Once I gave birth and didn't need to work full-time anymore, I got back on track. Then my husband got laidoff several months ago. I love him dearly, but the stress of being with him 24/7 is a little much. So, again, my healthy habits have plummeted.

One day I'll be able to face any sort of disruption and still maintain a healthy lifestyle. I won't give up. And I'm glad you're not. :-)

[Mary]

This was a wonderful post. I recently fell off thw wagon simply because my dog was sick. He was really, really ill, and I was terribly stressed about it, but c'mon, he's better now, and I still haven't picked myself up. The scale is moving in the wrong direction. It makes me wonder what I would do to myself if something REALLY stressful would happen, like a job loss, or sudden move.
I have always admired your determination. I think you're doing a great job. You'll get there.

[kitschen pink]

Oh this is such a wise post!
The school holidays start next week. We'll have bike rides and walks and go places to run about a bit - but really. A 7 year old does not cycle for exercise - if I go at his pace I fall off! I don't enjoy exercise and if I ever get the rare 30 mins to myself its the last thing I want to be doing! Why can't reading be good for weightloss? Now, if anyone can sort that one out I'd be an Olympian! t.x

[MamaBearJune]

Yes, God sometimes does throw us curves to keep us humble. We need to keep in mind that we do only have this one body and keeping it healthy is important and it's OK to make it a priority. I don't think any of us have a secret for dealing with stress, though. Seems like we all take a step backward when life presses down on us.

[somebodys mother]

Oh, I can so relate to this post. Two years ago I was humming along, had lost 25 pounds, thought I had made the 'lifestyle change' and then life threw me a curve ball the likes of which I had never imagined. The first thing that fell apart was my diet and exercise. I started eating everything in sight and quit exercising. The weight came back almost without my realizing it. While reorganizing and remaking my life I tried several times to get back on track, only to be disappointed when my fits and starts (ok more fits than starts) did not yield instant magic results. This winter I slowly started making little changes. I try to focus living in the middle instead of racing from one extreme to the other. I still have days where I wave at moderation as I race past it, but I'm making progress. I eat a bit much some days, but that does not mean I am a failure. I exercise most days but that does not mean I have won the war and can walk around being all judgmental and superior. Whether lose weight or not, I feel better when I eat a little better and get up and move a bit. I'm not losing huge amounts of weight quickly and when I look in the mirror some days I can't see any of the progress I've made. I just keep trying to ignore the crazy-fat-chick-who-lives-in-my-head and continue to move towards being someone who lives life in the middle and likes it there.