The Diet Naked Blog

Do you ever eat at Claim Jumper?

I've only eaten there once or twice.  I remember mostly how huge the portions were.

So, it's no surprise, really, that the calorie-count is high.  Right? 

Still.  Full disclosure can ruin a dining experience when you understand exactly what you're consuming.  Claim Jumper . . . I'm scared to eat your food now.

Quickly, an update

I have no idea when I posted last.  Here are some things I've been doing:

1)  Laundry.  I have four kids.  What can I say?

2)  Working.  I have a full-time job.  I work at home on my computer from noon to 5 p.m., then from 8 p.m. to midnight. 

3)  Preparing to travel to California for a conference Friday.

4)  Reading.  I read two books on writing this week, one by Elizabeth Berg and one by Annie Dillard.

5)  Driving kids to school; picking kids up from school.  Helping kids with algebra.  

6)  Eating fish for dinner.  (Frozen tilapia fillets - I think I bought them from Trader Joe's.  I pop one into a microwave steaming bag for 2.5 minutes.  It's just that easy!)

Here are some things I have not been doing:

1)  Exercising.

2)  Eating cookies.

3)  Weighing myself.

4)  Sleeping enough.

My conference begins on Friday so I have realized that I am going to be fat when I go.  True.  Sad, but true.  So I have focused on dressing well so that I can minimize my body and help myself feel as comfortable as possible.  Deadlines have always seemed to backfire on me, so this deadline approaches and I failed to accomplish what I might have accomplished had I not completely FREAKED OUT.

Anyway, I'm feeling okay about going and will try not to picture myself as the old woman with the mushy chin.  I'm not kidding, either.  The way I picture myself mentally--even if it's inaccurate picture--really affects how I feel and interact with people.  Of course, that's how I manage not to realize how fat I am until I see actual photographs.

So, there you go.  I'm really busy--I am always really busy.  What's funny is that long ago, I thought I was really busy and compared to THIS, that was practically a vacation. 

Hope you're having a great week and that you are avoiding the bags of Easter candy that want to hop into your shopping cart at this time of year. 

How are you? I keep skipping breakfast.

I need to start eating breakfast.  When I don't--most days--I fall into that classic pattern of not eating most of the day and then overeating at the end of the day.

I've also been too busy to exercise.

I am really busy.  Busier, in fact, than most people I know.  But I could fit exercise into the day if I really had to. 

And truthfully, I really have to . . . it makes me feel better and keeps my eating on track.

What are your challenges this week?

Chop-Chop Chicken in Lettuce Cups

The PR people from SELF sent me a link to this recipe:  Chop-Chop Chicken in Lettuce Cups.  It looks delicious, don't you think?

That is all. 

Carry on.

Numbers galore

I weighed myself today.  The scale said 215.2 pounds. 

My highest (known) non-pregnant weight was 230.  Last year at this time, I weighed 203.  A month ago, I weighed 221.  Two years ago, I weighed 175.  A little more than three years ago, I weighed 164 for about two weeks.  When I went to college, I weighed about 165.  When I got married twenty-two years ago, I weighed 143.  When I got pregnant the first time (at 33 years old), I weighed 193.  Right before I got pregnant the last time (when I was 37), I'd just lost 27 pounds and weighed 203.  After my first diet when I was thirteen, I weighed 123.  (I'd lost 13 pounds.)  I aimed to reach 115, but I never did get below 123.   

At every single one of those weights, I thought I was fat.  I felt fat.  I described myself as fat.  I complained about my stomach and I despaired over my waist.  On my wedding day, you can see me in videos smoothing my hand over my dress.  I was so self-conscious about my tummy which appears as flat as it ever has. 

What a waste of emotional energy all these years.  What a lot of time I've spent loathing myself and judging myself.     

All I really want is to be healthy and to shake the obsession with every bite of food I eat or don't eat and every size of clothing I wear (or can't wear).  I want that voice in my head, the one that repeats "what can I eat, what can I eat, what can I eat?" to shut up.

I was actually happy to see 215.2 on the scale.  I'm on a downward trend.  A slow, very slow, downward trend.  And I'm walking the "hard" trail (that's how I think of it) and I'm making myself interact with other human beings in public even though I'd just as soon sit at home with a vat of ice cream and a stack of cookies.  (But I've sworn off cookies and ice cream.)

Here's to a future free of nitpicking and putting off life because of the number on the scale!

Walking in sunshine

I'm walking around this golf course this morning--I mean, this afternoon. It's 3.25 hilly miles and once you start there's nothing you can do but finish.

Hope you're off to a good start this week!

If I had blogged, this is what I would have blogged about

I've written a few posts in my head lately.

Like the one where I was going to tell you all how I completely forgot that I am Cookie-Free.  I did!  I bought two boxes of Girl Scout cookies last weekend and I promise, I really did forget that I was not eating cookies anymore.  And thus, I started with two thin mints . . . and hours later, polished off the last of the Samoas (I don't even really like those) and then a stack of Oreos.  (I can normally resist Oreos.  I don't like them much.)

I really lost control.  Which is why I can't have cookies.  I am incapable of only having one cookie. 

So the next day, I remembered that I had sworn off cookies.  How had I forgotten?  When I mentioned it to my husband, he said, "Yeah, I did wonder why you were eating cookies but I didn't want to say anything." 

I also was going to write a post about how good I was doing, how I weighed in at 215 and how it seemed that I am just going to be losing a single pound a week and how unfair and wrong that seems, but then I did the math in my head and thought, well, in a year, I could lose 52 pound if I lose a pound a week.

But then the next time I weighed, I weighed 217 again and I thought why do I even bother?  This is impossible. 

Who really wants to hear about that, though?  And do I even want to talk about that continual cycle?  Seriously?

So, then I thought I should post about exercise. 

I have started walking again this week at this trail I love that is really challenging because it's a 3.25 mile loop with a lot of hills.  If I can just get myself to it, it's a great workout, mostly because it's impossible to quit halfway through.  I thought about taking a picture and showing you--from the trail itself--but I didn't because it was cloudy. 

But I haven't blogged at all because I am trying to get to bed at a decent hour so I can wake up at a decent hour.  ("Decent" being 12:30 a.m. and 8:30 a.m.)

If I were blogging, I'd tell you how I'm going to a conference in three weeks and I am determined to avoid sugar and flour until then (but terrified that I will fail again).  Also?  Today was my first Diet Coke-free day.  Again.  I am drinking water.  Although I know the chemicals are bad, mainly I'm going off it because I've had a really hard time sleeping lately.  I need to be able to sleep.  Sleep cannot be overrated.

So, there you go.  I would have blogged about all this if only I'd had the time and good cheer necessary.